Personal Essay Sample
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Personal Essay Sample
I have always been popular since I remember myself. I was trying to do my best so that people like me and that worked. I’m definitely an easy-going person who knows what to expect from life and how to shape the reality that I live in. Many of my friends call me a philosopher for that I am always calm and rational and only I know what it costs to me. I am not complaining no way, but from time to time I just get very much tired.
A few weeks ago I started my classes at photo school. The price was rather high, but it was my dream of past 2 months. The atmosphere of creating images and witness transfer from my frame of reference had always attracted me in the greatest extent. My father is an amateur photographer; however he can afford expensive photo camera and different lenses for himself. He had never studied photography anywhere practicing self-education. He has a big library of journals and magazines on this topic, so a received a large basis for my studying. Moreover, he presented me his old camera Nikon D70 with a kit lens, 18-70 mm, semi-professional, but with very outstanding characteristics. So, I saved money for the purchase of the new one, and was able to start immediately to create my masterpieces. I must say that I am still very shy photographer, as I cannot just photo reportages on the streets, as I am very anxious what would people think of me, but I just love making portraits and close-ups, working with the model, trying to find the best camera angle, installing studio light. I’m thinking about buying some soft boxes for myself, but this idea refers to long-term goals.
My group at school is very nice. There are four boys and five girls, including me. I communicate predominately with boys, as I am older then all girls are, and it is more interesting to me. We joke and laugh a lot; I like their works and the way they make pictures. It is significant for my photographic experience to communicate with other photographs, to hear their opinion, to listen what they are saying regarding my works and how do they percept them. But the one hidden reason of my school attending is that I have always dreamt about becoming a model or at least used as it from time to time. I would like to have professional shoots and that people admired my beauty. And my dreams come true from lesson to lesson. Our teachers choose me more often to be the model for experiments with studio light and I am just very happy of that. And last Saturday we had the outside class to practice landscape shooting with another professional photographer and he was making pictures of me all the time. Probably he just liked me as a person, but it was very pleasant, even though I haven’t received the pictures yet.
After this class I met my friends – Veronique and Mathias. They used to go out about five years ago, and now they are just friends. Mathias is from Austria and came for a week to have fun with us. We walked round the city, making pictures of us altogether and predominantly silent. Mathias is not very keen in English and he got tired very much when he speaks a lot. We decided to go to the nightclub in the evening and to show him how to blow up the stage.
I returned home to sleep a little bit. When I entered the house, recollections about the day before yesterday captured me again. I remembered the face, the music and the atmosphere and began to cry. It was my mother’s brother whose funeral that day. I cannot even call him an uncle, as we were never close and never communicated since I remember myself. When I learned about his death, I just said: “This is life. Somebody dies, somebody is born”. My heart was not cowering of any emotions, I was calm and accepted this fact as I do when I hear weather forecast. But as he was still our family, I decided to go to the funeral to support my mother and grandmother, who were totally broken of this news. He was 47 years old, lived all his life in another city and had no children. His wife died two weeks before his dead. Doctors discovered a tumor in his brains, but I think that he cannot let her go. We arrived in the morning, my grandmother was already there. When she saw us she started keening just on the street even though she already accepted the fact. For me it was a performance that I accidentally bought tickets at. I know that I am saying, as during the funeral she was calm and didn’t cry at all. There was an impression that she already rubbed though his death, as she was with him for a week in the hospital and when he died. When the farewell ceremony began and I entered the hall with eternity box, tears appeared on my eyes, but still I was ok. When I saw him, I started to cry bitterly. It was my first funeral and I have never seen dead people before, but the reason was different. He was so beautiful and such a relief was printed on his face that he looked like a saint person. He was just like my grandfather and grand grandfather, whom I love very much. I didn’t know what kind of person was he when he was alive, but I realized that he was very kind and talented. I can’t explain why I assumed that, but it was a firm conviction. I was folding my mother in my arms, understanding that love and relatives are the most important things in life and it is sad when death makes you to understand that.
When I came back to the city, my emotional state stabilized already. I just accepted that death and let it pass though my heart and I will never forget it.
Going to the nightclub in the evening in such a situation was not appropriate, but still we gathered in the most fashionable and popular nightclub at about 11 pm. There were eleven of us, a half of our company I barely knew. But then we found out that there were no places at none of the six stores of the entertainment center. Me and Veronique went to talk to the administrator:
Please, we need a table for eleven people for about a half an hour, just to have some drinks till the nightclub will be opened. Can you help us?
No, sorry, all large tables at all floors are reserved or taken. I am sorry, but I can’t help you.
But please, we need a table just for a half an hour.
Ok, I will ask about VIP for you, but please do not spill anything at white tablecloth.
In three minutes we were already ordering drinks and feeling ourselves like VIP persons who get everything for free.
I came back home at about 3 AM. I didn’t want to sleep at all. I started to think about my future, my family and my friends. I was thinking about role of men in my life and my relationships with them. I felt deep pain when thinking about my relationships. Was it something wrong with me or with him? I was not able to answer that question, but it was the only thing I was definitely sure at: nobody can tell me what to do and can make me feel pain. If the person does so, then he is not for me, he is not real. From time to time I miss that guy, I miss his hugs and kisses, and the way he called when we were together, but I try to be strong, as there is no sense in being with the man, who doesn’t want to be with me. As genial Omar Hayam wrote: “Better to fast than eat of every meat, Better to live alone than mate with all”.
I realized that we are quarrelling about trifles and got mad at each other, but why are we doing that? Why can’t we appreciate what we have? Why do we spoil relationships with blames? We are just people. This is our weakness and strength simultaneously. And I will try to be patient and loving, as life it too short to digress for anger and rancor.
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